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Age
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I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.
-Milton Berle
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Attitude
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I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are;because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star.I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far;for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
-Milton Berle
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Committee
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A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
-Milton Berle
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Committee--a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
-Milton Berle
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Education
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This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!
-Milton Berle
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Marriage
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Milton Berle
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Opportunity
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If oppurtunity doesn't knock, build a door.
-Milton Berle
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Vacations
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Laughter is an instant vacation.
-Milton Berle
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Books by and about Milton Berle
