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Alcohol/Alcoholism
Engrave this Quote Never accept a drink from a Urologist.
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-Erma Bombeck
Argument & Debate
Engrave this Quote Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.
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-Erma Bombeck
Bravery
Engrave this Quote It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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-Erma Bombeck
Children
Engrave this Quote Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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-Erma Bombeck
Engrave this Quote It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
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-Erma Bombeck
Engrave this Quote There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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-Erma Bombeck
Comedy
Engrave this Quote Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.
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-Erma Bombeck
Communication
Engrave this Quote It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of supersophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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-Erma Bombeck, If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries..., 1971
Control
Engrave this Quote I am not a glutton -- I am an explorer of food.
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-Erma Bombeck
Doctors
Engrave this Quote Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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-Erma Bombeck
Equality
Engrave this Quote We've got a generation now who were born with semi equality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.
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-Erma Bombeck
Exercise
Engrave this Quote The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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-Erma Bombeck
Family
Engrave this Quote You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
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-Erma Bombeck
Father
Engrave this Quote When God was creating fathers, He started with a tall frame. An angel nearby said, What kind of father is that? If you
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-Erma Bombeck, attributed
Guilt
Engrave this Quote Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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-Erma Bombeck
Housework
Engrave this Quote My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you?
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-Erma Bombeck
Engrave this Quote My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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-Erma Bombeck
Engrave this Quote Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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-Erma Bombeck
Humor
Engrave this Quote Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.
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-Erma Bombeck
Nudity
Engrave this Quote If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.
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-Erma Bombeck
Parenting
Engrave this Quote I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: Checkout Time is 18 years
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-Erma Bombeck
Success & Failure
Engrave this Quote Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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-Erma Bombeck
Talent
Engrave this Quote When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me..
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-Erma Bombeck
Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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-Erma Bombeck
What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
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-Erma Bombeck, No One Diets on Thanksgiving

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