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Appearance
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The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one's soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive -- you are leaking.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Authors & Writing
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Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Beauty
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All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Character
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You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Conversation
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No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
-Fran Lebowitz
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The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
-Fran Lebowitz
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The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
-Fran Lebowitz, Metropolitan Life, part 1, 1978
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Criticism
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Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Dogs
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Drugs
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I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Eggs
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Twenty-four-hour room service generally refers to the length of time that it takes for the club sandwich to arrive. This is indeed disheartening, particularly when you
-Fran Lebowitz
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Food
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
-Fran Lebowitz
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If you're going to America, bring your own food.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Humility
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Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Innovation
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Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Life
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Life is something you do when you can't get to sleep.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Mathematics
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Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Opinion
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Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step -- it is an old business procedure.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Parenting
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Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major motion-picture star. If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use the word collectible as a noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified success.
-Fran Lebowitz
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People
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In New York, people are very overbooked.You say, When do you want to have dinner? It's May. They say, What about October? And then they complain: Oh you can't believe how booked up I am.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Serenity
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There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.
-Fran Lebowitz, Manners, "Metropolitan Life", 1978
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Success & Failure
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Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Suicide
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If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.
-Fran Lebowitz
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Books by and about Fran Lebowitz