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Advice
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This is a great country, and it wasn't made so by angry people. We have a sacred duty to bequeath it to our grandchildren in better shape than however we found it. We have a long way to go and we're not getting any younger.Dante said that the hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who in time of crisis remain neutral, so I have spoken my piece, and thank you, dear reader. It's a beautiful world, rain or shine, and there is more to life than winning.
-Garrison Keillor, Homegrown Democrat, 2004
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Cats
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Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
-Garrison Keillor
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Children
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Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.
-Garrison Keillor
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Debt / Borrow / Loan
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One day Donald Trump will discover that he is owned by Lutheran Brotherhood and must re negotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who don't understand why anyone would pay more than $120.00 for a suit.
-Garrison Keillor
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Goodness
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Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.
-Garrison Keillor, We Are Still Married, 1989
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Help
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This is Democratic bedrock: we don't let people lie in the ditch and drive past and pretend not to see them dying. Here on the frozen tundra of Minnesota, if your neighbor's car won't start, you put on your parka and get the jumper cables out and deliver the Sacred Spark that starts their car. Everybody knows this. The logical extension of this spirit is social welfare and the myriad government programs with long dry names all very uninteresting to you until you suddenly need one...
-Garrison Keillor, Homegrown Democrat, 2004
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Holidays
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A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
-Garrison Keillor
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Humor
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Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments with laboratory rats have shown that, if one psychologist in the room laughs at something a rat does, all of the other psychologists in the room will laugh equally. Nobody wants to be left holding the joke.
-Garrison Keillor
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The funniest line in English is Get it? When you say that, everyone chortles.
-Garrison Keillor
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Identity
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People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, 'Where are you from?' doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know?
-Garrison Keillor
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Life
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The gains in life come slowly and the losses come on suddenly. You work for years to get your life the way you want it and buy the big house and the time share on Antigua and one afternoon you
-Garrison Keillor, Homegrown Democrat, 2004
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Parenting
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Selective ignorance, a cornerstone of child rearing. You don't put kids under surveillance: it might frighten you. Parents should sit tall in the saddle and look upon their troops with a noble and benevolent and extremely nearsighted gaze.
-Garrison Keillor
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Reality
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I believe that sometimes you have to look reality in the eye and deny it.
-Garrison Keillor
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Books by and about Garrison Keillor