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Age
Engrave this Quote Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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-Groucho Marx
Engrave this Quote Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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-Groucho Marx
Art
Engrave this Quote We dont like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. Well, art is art, isnt it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know.
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-Groucho Marx
Authors & Writing
Engrave this Quote The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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-Groucho Marx
Engrave this Quote Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
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-Groucho Marx
Birth
Engrave this Quote Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
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-Groucho Marx
Children
Engrave this Quote My mother loved children--she would have given anything if I had been one.
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-Groucho Marx
Choice
Engrave this Quote I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
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-Groucho Marx
Cooking, Culinary
Engrave this Quote I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.
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-Groucho Marx
Death
Engrave this Quote Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
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-Groucho Marx
Divorce
Engrave this Quote Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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-Groucho Marx
Dogs
Engrave this Quote Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
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-Groucho Marx
Envy / Jealousy
Engrave this Quote There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
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-Groucho Marx
Face, Faces
Engrave this Quote I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
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-Groucho Marx
Food
Engrave this Quote I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.
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-Groucho Marx
Honesty
Engrave this Quote There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
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-Groucho Marx
Humor
Engrave this Quote If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
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-Groucho Marx
Leadership
Engrave this Quote Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men--the other 999 follow women.
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-Groucho Marx
Marriage
Engrave this Quote One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
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-Groucho Marx
Engrave this Quote I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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-Groucho Marx
Engrave this Quote Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
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-Groucho Marx
Military, the
Engrave this Quote Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
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-Groucho Marx
People
Engrave this Quote Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
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-Groucho Marx
Politics
Engrave this Quote Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
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-Groucho Marx
Poverty
Engrave this Quote I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
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-Groucho Marx

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