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Age
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As for me, except for an occasional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did.
-Robert Benchley
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America
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For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.
-Robert Benchley, Benchley -- or Else!
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In America there are two classes of travel: first class and with childen.
-Robert Benchley
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Argument & Debate
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Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about
-Robert Benchley
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Attitude
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We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born. We are constantly remarking on the fact that things are done well by people other than ourselves. The Japanese are a remarkable little people, we say, as if we were doing them a favor. He is an Arab, but you ought to hear him play the zither. Why but?
-Robert Benchley, Isn't It Remarkable?
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Authors & Writing
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It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I coudn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
-Robert Benchley
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The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.
-Robert Benchley
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It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up, because by that time I was too famous.
-Robert Benchley
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The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon.
-Robert Benchley
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Books
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The naturalistic literature of this country has reached such a state that no family of characters is considered true to life which does not include at least two hypochondriacs, one sadist, and one old man who spills food down the front of his vest.
-Robert Benchley
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Communication
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Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
-Robert Benchley, As quoted in: With Truth as Our Sword (2005) by C E Sylvester, p. 205
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Dogs
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A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.
Another version:
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
-Robert Benchley
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Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that a child cannot do much harm one way or another.
-Robert Benchley
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Drinking
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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with it's just compounding the felony.
-Robert Benchley
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I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini.
-Robert Benchley
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Exercise
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Go jogging? What, and get hit by a meteor?
-Robert Benchley
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Fear
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Tell us your phobias, and we will tell you what you are afraid of.
-Robert Benchley
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Knowledge
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I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
-Robert Benchley
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Memory
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Nothing is more responsible for the good old days than a bad memory.
-Robert Benchley
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People
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There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.
-Robert Benchley
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Pleasure
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I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures.
-Robert Benchley, Hiccoughing Makes Us Fat, No Poems: or around the world backwards and sideways., 1932
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Quotations
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The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
-Robert Benchley
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Work
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Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
-Robert Benchley
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Books by and about Robert Benchley