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Abstinence
Engrave this Quote A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
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-Woody Allen
Animals
Engrave this Quote Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing Embraceable You in spats.
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-Woody Allen
Choice
Engrave this Quote More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
I speak, by the way, not with any sense of futility, but with a panicky conviction of the absolute meaninglessness of existence which could easily be misinterpreted as pessimism. It is not. It is merely a healthy concern for the predicament of modern man.
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-Woody Allen, My Speech to the Graduates First published in the New York Times in 1979
Comedy
Engrave this Quote Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue.
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-Woody Allen
Engrave this Quote I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
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-Woody Allen
Crime
Engrave this Quote It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.
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-Woody Allen
Death
Engrave this Quote I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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-Woody Allen
Engrave this Quote On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.
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-Woody Allen
Engrave this Quote I don't believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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-Woody Allen
Doubt
Engrave this Quote If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
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-Woody Allen
Dreams
Engrave this Quote What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?
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-Woody Allen
Drugs
Engrave this Quote I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot.
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-Woody Allen
Expectation
Engrave this Quote What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
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-Woody Allen
Film / Filmmaking / Movies
Engrave this Quote If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
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-Woody Allen
Food
Engrave this Quote I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.
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-Woody Allen
Goodness
Engrave this Quote It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
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-Woody Allen
Hollywood
Engrave this Quote In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
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-Woody Allen
Immortality
Engrave this Quote I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
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-Woody Allen
Intelligence
Engrave this Quote I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
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-Woody Allen
Life
Engrave this Quote Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
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-Woody Allen
Love
Engrave this Quote I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
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-Woody Allen
Engrave this Quote Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
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-Woody Allen
Mankind, Man
Engrave this Quote Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
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-Woody Allen
Marriage
Engrave this Quote The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..
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-Woody Allen
Engrave this Quote Marriage is the death of hope.
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-Woody Allen

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